TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: resource management. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体而言，这篇文章在回答问题和表达观点方面做得相当不错。然而，为了更好地完成任务，建议在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地解释为什么数字支付对社会发展具有重要意义。

2. 在提到财务管理应用程序时，可以举例说明它们如何帮助人们更好地管理财务。

示例：

1. "Consequently, the rising of online payments is of utmost importance approach and leads a positive trend to society development." 改为 "Consequently, the rise of online payments contributes to economic growth by increasing efficiency and reducing transaction costs."

2. "Using digital payments, people can use these apps to automatically gain daily expenses analysis and proficient advice." 改为 "Using digital payments, people can benefit from financial management apps like Mint, which provide detailed expense tracking and personalized budgeting advice."

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构的角度来看，文章的结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每个段落都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：

1. 在引言部分明确提出自己的观点。

2. 在段落之间使用更清晰的过渡词或短语。

示例：

1. "In my opinion, decreasing in cash usage is a positive development." 改为 "In my opinion, the decrease in cash usage due to the rise of online payments is a positive development for several reasons."

2. 在第二段和第三段之间添加过渡词，例如："Despite Claire's concerns about financial mismanagement, I believe that digital payments can actually help people manage their finances better."

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, decreasing in cash usage is a positive development. In addition to Paul’s perspective that it provides individuals with convenience shopping experiences, I would also contend that it alleviates the time of paying goodsto goods(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.). Instead of spending a long time to find the exact numbers of payments, consumers can easily open their phone and get money paid. In this case, there is no need to waste their time in paying money and shopping will never be a time-consuming thing. Claire also raised the relevant idea that using digital payments potentially leads customers to financial mismanagement. However, she failed to acknowledge that aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') increasing number of financial management apps are becoming more and more popular these days. Using digital payments, people can use these apps to automatically gain daily expenses analysis and proficient advice. Consequently, the rising of online payments is of utmost importance approach and leads a positive trend to society development.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the decrease in cash usage is a positive development. Apart from Paul's argument regarding the enhanced convenience of shopping experiences, I would also assert that it significantly reduces the time spent on making payments. Rather than fumbling for exact change, consumers can effortlessly use their smartphones to complete transactions, thus streamlining the payment process and making shopping less time-consuming. While Claire raises a valid concern about digital payments potentially leading to financial mismanagement, she overlooks the growing popularity of financial management apps. By utilizing digital payments, individuals can employ these apps to automatically receive daily expense analyses and expert advice. Consequently, the rise of online payments is an invaluable approach that contributes positively to societal development. (122 words)

In my opinion, the decrease in cash usage (decreasing in cash usage usage) is a positive development. Apart from Paul's argument (In addition to Paul’s perspective that it provides individuals with perspective) regarding the enhanced convenience of shopping experiences, I would also contend assert (contend) that it significantly reduces the time spent on making payments (alleviates the time of paying goods. Instead of goods). Rather than fumbling for exact change (spending a long time to find the exact numbers of payments, payments), consumers can easily effortlessly use their smartphones to complete transactions (open their phone and get money paid. In this case, paid), thus streamlining the payment process and making shopping less time-consuming (there is no need to waste their time in paying money and shopping will never be a time-consuming thing. thing). While Claire raises a valid concern (also raised the relevant idea that using idea) about digital payments potentially leads customers leading to financial mismanagement. However, mismanagement, she overlooks the growing popularity of financial management apps (failed to acknowledge that a an increasing number of financial management apps are becoming more and more popular these days. Using days). By utilizing digital payments, people individuals can use employ these apps to automatically receive daily expense analyses and expert advice (gain daily expenses analysis and proficient advice. advice). Consequently, the rise of online payments is an invaluable approach (the rising of online payments is of utmost importance approach and approach) that contributes positively to societal development (leads a positive trend to society development.development).

8 思维导图

- Decrease in cash usage
  - Positive development
    - Enhanced convenience of shopping experiences
    - Reduced time spent on making payments
      - Effortless smartphone transactions
      - Streamlined payment process
      - Less time-consuming shopping
    - Financial management apps
      - Daily expense analyses
      - Expert advice
  - Concerns and counterarguments
    - Financial mismanagement due to digital payments (Claire's concern)
    - Overlooked popularity of financial management apps (counterargument)

9 关键词