TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: If you had to choose, would you say that students should be given grades or not? Why?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the task by stating the writer's opinion on whether students should be given grades or not. The writer provides two reasons for their viewpoint, which are relevant to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on these reasons and providing more specific examples to support them.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Expand on the reasons provided by offering more details or examples.

• Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.

Example 1: Instead of saying "While the grades may discourage the students, they allow them to adapt to society in advance," you could say "Although some may argue that grades can discourage students, they actually help them adapt to society by teaching them how to handle competition and strive for excellence."

Example 2: You could provide a specific example from your own experience or from research that demonstrates how grades have positively impacted a student's learning process.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The paragraphs focus on specific points with supporting details. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transitional phrases or words to create smoother connections between ideas.

• Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main point.

Example 1: In your second reason, you could use a transition like "Furthermore" or "In addition" before stating your point about competition in society: "Furthermore, intense competition exists everywhere, and if we don't prepare for it through grading systems, we will lose."

Example 2: To improve the conclusion's transition, you could start with a phrase like "In conclusion" or "To sum up": "In conclusion, giving grades is beneficial for both study and development for students, as it provides clear goals and prepares them for real-world competition."

5. Grammar

Whether a teacher gives grades to students has sparked a debate on its merits and drawbacks. In my opinion, giving grades to students plays a crucial role in enhancing a child's education and development, primarily due to two compelling reasons. First and foremost, the grades give the student an aim, encouraging them to focus on studying. Students, especially young students, are easily distracted by games, videos, and other things. If they have an explicit goal, they can focus on it. For example, I planned to get a 600-point score at the beginning of high school. In order to fulfill the objective, I studied hard and eventually came to Nagoya University. While the grades may discourage the students, they allow them to adapt to society in adcanceadvance(misspelling). The intense competition exists everywhere and if we don't prepare for it, we will lose. In summary, giving grades is beneficial for both study and development for students.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

The debate surrounding the merits and drawbacks of assigning grades to students has been a contentious one. In my view, providing grades is essential for fostering a child's educational growth and overall development, primarily due to two significant reasons. Firstly, grades offer students a tangible objective, motivating them to concentrate on their studies. Young learners are particularly susceptible to distractions such as games and videos; having a clear goal helps maintain their focus. For instance, when I set a target of achieving a 600-point score at the beginning of high school, it drove me to study diligently and ultimately led me to attend Nagoya University. Secondly, although grades may sometimes be discouraging, they enable students to acclimate to the competitive nature of society early on. Preparing for this inevitable competition is crucial; otherwise, we risk falling behind. Consequently, assigning grades proves advantageous for both academic progress and personal development in students. (156 words)

Whether a teacher gives The debate surrounding the merits and drawbacks of assigning grades to students has sparked a debate on its merits and drawbacks. been a contentious one (revised for clarity and conciseness). In my opinion, giving grades to students plays a crucial role in enhancing view, providing grades is essential for fostering a child's education and development, educational growth and overall development (rephrased for better flow), primarily due to two compelling reasons. First and foremost, the grades give the student an aim, encouraging significant reasons (changed "compelling" to "significant" for better word choice). Firstly, grades offer students a tangible objective (revised for clarity), motivating them to concentrate on their studies (rephrased for better flow). Young learners are particularly susceptible to distractions such as games and videos; having a clear goal helps maintain their focus on studying. Students, especially young students, are easily distracted by games, videos, and other things. If they have an explicit goal, they can focus on it. (revised for clarity and conciseness). For example, instance, when I planned to get set a target of achieving a 600-point score at the beginning of high school. In order to fulfill school, it drove me to study diligently and ultimately led me to attend Nagoya University (rephrased for better flow). Secondly, although grades may sometimes be discouraging, they enable students to acclimate to the objective, I studied hard and eventually came to Nagoya University. While the grades may discourage the students, they allow them to adapt to competitive nature of society early on (revised for clarity and conciseness). Preparing for this inevitable competition is crucial; otherwise, we risk falling behind (rephrased for better flow). Consequently, assigning grades proves advantageous for both academic progress and personal development in adcance. The intense competition exists everywhere and if we don't prepare for it, we will lose. In summary, giving grades is beneficial for both study and development for students.students (revised for clarity and conciseness).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Debate on grading students
   • Importance of grades for growth and development

2. Motivation

   • Tangible objectives
   • Maintaining focus amidst distractions

3. Example: Personal experience

   • High school target of 600 points
   • Attending Nagoya University

4. Competition

   • Acclimating to societal competition
   • Preparing for future challenges

5. Personal development

   • Academic progress
   • Overall growth

6. Counterargument: Discouragement

   • Addressing potential drawbacks of grades

7. Conclusion

   • Advantages of assigning grades outweigh drawbacks

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

The debate surrounding the merits and drawbacks of assigning grades to students has been a contentious one. In my view, providing grades is essential for fostering a child's educational growth and overall development, primarily due to two significant reasons. Firstly, grades offer students a tangible objective, motivating them to concentrate on their studies. Young learners are particularly susceptible to distractions such as games and videos; having a clear goal helps maintain their focus. For instance, when I set a target of achieving a 600-point score at the beginning of high school, it drove me to study diligently and ultimately led me to attend Nagoya University. Secondly, although grades may sometimes be discouraging, they enable students to acclimate to the competitive nature of society early on. Preparing for this inevitable competition is crucial; otherwise, we risk falling behind. Consequently, assigning grades proves advantageous for both academic progress and personal development in students.