TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Consider the advantagesof each. Would it generally be better for a newuniversity graduate to begin working for a large,established company, or for a small start-upcompany? Why?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task requirements by discussing the advantages of working for a large, established company as opposed to a small start-up company. However, it could benefit from providing more specific examples and details to support the viewpoint. Additionally, the essay could be improved by addressing potential counterarguments and acknowledging the merits of working for a start-up company.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide specific examples of how working for an established company can contribute to long-term development.

• Address potential counterarguments by acknowledging the merits of working for a start-up company and explaining why an established company is still a better choice.

Example 1: "Working for an established company often provides access to comprehensive training programs, mentorship opportunities, and networking events that can help new graduates develop important skills."

Example 2: "While start-ups may offer more excitement and innovation, new graduates may face challenges such as job instability or limited resources when compared to established companies."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, each paragraph should focus on one specific point with supporting details.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one specific point with supporting details.

Example 1: "In addition to providing valuable job experience (transition), established companies often offer better job security and benefits packages than start-ups."

Example 2: "Although start-ups may have a more energetic work environment (transition), the stability offered by large companies can provide new graduates with peace of mind as they begin their careers."

5. Grammar

In discussing students’ choices after graduating, Andrew proposes that graduates would better accept the start-company’s offer. While his argument holds some validity, I find myself aligning with Kelly’s perspective that choosing an estabishedestablished(misspelling) company is a better decision. In my view, this approach not only allows graduates to gain a comprehensive job experience, but also helps them cultivate some important skills. Undoubtedly, this approach contributes siginificantlysignificantly(misspelling) to individualan individual(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.)’s long-term development and serves as a powerful impellmentimplement(misspelling) for graduates to improve work abilities. Therefore, I firmly believe that it would be better for a new graduate to begin working for a large and established company.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In considering the options for new university graduates, Andrew suggests that they would benefit more from joining a start-up company. While his argument has some merit, I find myself agreeing with Kelly's stance that opting for an established company is a wiser decision. In my opinion, this choice not only provides graduates with comprehensive job experience but also fosters the development of essential skills. Undoubtedly, this approach significantly contributes to an individual's long-term growth and serves as a potent catalyst for graduates to enhance their work capabilities. Consequently, I firmly believe that it would be more advantageous for a new graduate to commence their career with a large and established company. (116 words)

In discussing students’ considering the options for new university graduates (revised for clarity and to avoid repetition of "students' choices after graduating, graduating"), Andrew proposes suggests that graduates they would benefit more from joining a start-up company (rephrased "accept the start-company's offer" for better accept the start-company’s offer. readability). While his argument holds has some validity, merit (changed "holds some validity" to a more natural phrase), I find myself aligning agreeing with Kelly's stance (rephrased "aligning with Kelly’s perspective perspective" for better flow) that choosing opting for an estabished established company is a better decision. wiser decision (revised to sound more natural). In my view, opinion, this approach choice not only allows provides graduates to gain a with comprehensive job experience, experience (rephrased for clarity) but also helps them cultivate some important skills. fosters the development of essential skills (revised to sound more natural). Undoubtedly, this approach significantly contributes siginificantly to individual’s to an individual's long-term development growth (corrected "siginificantly" and rephrased for clarity) and serves as a powerful impellment potent catalyst (changed "powerful impellment" to a more suitable term) for graduates to improve enhance their work abilities. Therefore, capabilities (rephrased for better flow). Consequently, I firmly believe that it would be better more advantageous (changed "better" to avoid repetition) for a new graduate to begin working for commence their career with a large and established company.company (rephrased the ending sentence for improved readability).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Andrew's argument: joining a start-up
   • Kelly's stance: established company
   • Personal opinion: agree with Kelly

2. Comprehensive job experience

   • Exposure to various departments
   • Diverse tasks and responsibilities

3. Development of essential skills

   • Professional growth
   • Networking opportunities

4. Long-term growth

   • Career advancement potential
   • Job stability

5. Enhanced work capabilities

   • Learning from experienced professionals
   • Access to resources and tools

6. Conclusion

   • Advantages of established companies for new graduates

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In considering the options for new university graduates, Andrew suggests that they would benefit more from joining a start-up company. While his argument has some merit, I find myself agreeing with Kelly's stance that opting for an established company is a wiser decision. In my opinion, this choice not only provides graduates with comprehensive job experience but also fosters the development of essential skills. Undoubtedly, this approach significantly contributes to an individual's long-term growth and serves as a potent catalyst for graduates to enhance their work capabilities. Consequently, I firmly believe that it would be more advantageous for a new graduate to commence their career with a large and established company.