TOEFL TPO 46 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯性和衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

你的文章基本上完成了任务要求，阐述了听力中的观点如何对阅读材料中的观点产生质疑。但是，有些地方可以改进以更清楚地表达观点。例如，可以更详细地解释听力中提到的一些具体例子和论据，以便让读者更好地理解这些反驳观点。

示例1： 原文：“However, the professor refutes this view by arguing that patients would pay for the paper-based record keeping, since they are also used as emergency backup for legal reasons.” 改进：“However, the professor refutes this view by explaining that doctors who adopt electronic records usually don't throw out or discontinue the paper records because they serve as an emergency backup and are needed for legal reasons. As a result, most doctors still have to pay storage costs associated with paper-based record keeping.”

示例2： 原文：“In other words, there is a strict process needs to be followed and several permissions need to be obtained in order to get the access to the eletronic medical data.” 改进：“In other words, researchers who want to collect data from electronic medical records have to follow strict and complicated procedures and obtain many permissions along the way, including permissions from the patients themselves.”

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论了一个具体的观点和支持细节。但是，可以改进一些地方，使文章更具逻辑性和连贯性。例如，可以在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语来引导读者。

示例1： 原文：“Firstly, the reading claims that the utilization of electronic records can decrease the costs of storing and transferring medical records of paper-based records.” 改进：“To begin with, the reading claims that the utilization of electronic records can decrease the costs of storing and transferring medical records compared to paper-based records.”

示例2： 原文：“Finally, the reading points out that electronic medical records can help medical research by gathering large number of data from patients records.” 改进：“Lastly, the reading points out that electronic medical records can significantly aid medical research by gathering a large amount of data from patient records.”

5. 语法批改

Both the reading and the lecture delve into the topic of storing patinentspatients(misspelling)'(Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols) medical records in electronic databases. While the reading contends that there are several advantages to use electroniselectronic(misspelling) databases, in the lecture, the professor uses three specific points to contradict ehatthat(misspelling) the reading states.

Firstly, the reading claims that the untilizationutilization(misspelling) odOD(misspelling) eletronicelectronic(misspelling) records can decrease the costs of storing and transferring medical records of paper-based records. However, the professor refutes this view by arguing that patients would pay for the paper-based record keeping, since they are also used as emergency backup for legal reasons.

Secondly, the reading asserts that electronic medical records isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") capable of preventing errors of illegible handwriting. In contrast, the professor maintains an opposing opinion, stating that using eletronicelectronic(misspelling) databases cannot eliminate the errors. To be more specific, the medical records are written by hand while doctors see the patients. Then the records would be entered into computerthe computer(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) later by others. So it is likely that the poor handwriting of doctors cannot be recognized. Thus, the errors cannot be aviodedavoided(misspelling).

Finally, the reading points out that electronic medical records can help medical research by gathering large number of data from patients records. Contrary to the view presented in the reading, the professor believes that it would be difficult to access these electronic data, since the strict privacy laws. In other words, there is a strict process needs to be followed and, and(comma between independent clauses) several permissions need to be obtained in order to get the access to the eletronicelectronic(misspelling) medical data. Also, some people will block the use of the data rather than their own. Therefore, it would be extremely hard to take advantage of these electronic data for research.

Section title: 6.文章修订

Both the reading and the lecture delve into the topic of storing patients' medical records in electronic databases. While the reading contends that there are several advantages to using electronic databases, the lecture presents three specific points that contradict what the reading states.

Firstly, the reading claims that utilizing electronic records can decrease the costs of storing and transferring medical records compared to paper-based records. However, the professor refutes this view by arguing that doctors would still need to pay for paper-based record keeping since they are also used as emergency backup for legal reasons.

Secondly, the reading asserts that electronic medical records are capable of preventing errors caused by illegible handwriting. In contrast, the professor maintains an opposing opinion, stating that using electronic databases cannot eliminate these errors. To be more specific, medical records are written by hand while doctors examine patients. Then, office staff enter these handwritten notes into computers later on. Consequently, poor handwriting can still lead to errors in transcription since staff members must interpret what doctors have written.

Finally, the reading points out that electronic medical records can help medical research by gathering large amounts of data from patient records. Contrary to this view presented in the reading, the professor believes it would be difficult to access these electronic data due to strict privacy laws. In other words, researchers must follow a stringent process and obtain several permissions in order to gain access to electronic medical data. Additionally, some people may block their data from being used for any purpose other than their own treatment. Therefore, it would be extremely challenging for researchers to take advantage of these electronic data sources. (279 words)

Revised essay with explanations inline:

Both the reading and the lecture delve into the topic of storing patinents' patients' (corrected spelling) medical records in electronic databases. While the reading contends that there are several advantages to use electronis using (added "ing" for correct verb form) electronic databases, in the lecture, the professor uses the lecture presents three specific points to that contradict ehat what (corrected spelling) the reading states.

Firstly, the reading claims that the untilization od eletronic utilizing (corrected spelling) electronic records can decrease the costs of storing and transferring medical records of compared to paper-based records. However, the professor refutes this view by arguing that patients doctors (clarified subject) would still need to pay for the paper-based record keeping, keeping since they are also used as emergency backup for legal reasons.

Secondly, the reading asserts that electronic medical records is are capable of preventing errors of caused by illegible handwriting. In contrast, the professor maintains an opposing opinion, stating that using eletronic electronic databases cannot eliminate the these errors. To be more specific, the medical records are written by hand while doctors see the examine patients. Then the records would be entered Then, office staff (clarified who enters data) enter these handwritten notes into computer computers later by others. So it is likely that the on. Consequently (improved transition), poor handwriting of can still lead to errors in transcription since staff members must interpret what doctors cannot be recognized. Thus, the errors cannot be avioded. have written.

Finally, the reading points out that electronic medical records can help medical research by gathering large number amounts of data from patients patient records. Contrary to the this view presented in the reading, the professor believes that it would be difficult to access these electronic data, since the data due to strict privacy laws. In other words, there is researchers must follow a strict stringent process needs to be followed and obtain several permissions need to be obtained in order to get the gain access to the eletronic electronic medical data. Also, Additionally (improved transition), some people will may block the use of the their data rather from being used for any purpose other than their own. own treatment. Therefore, it would be extremely hard challenging (synonym for "hard") for researchers to take advantage of these electronic data for research.sources.

8. Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Reading: advantages of electronic databases
   - Lecture: contradicts reading's points

2. Cost
   - Reading: lower costs for storage and transfer
   - Lecture: still need paper-based records for legal backup

3. Error Prevention
   - Reading: prevents errors from illegible handwriting
   - Lecture: errors still occur during transcription by office staff

4. Medical Research
   - Reading: helps gather large amounts of data for research
   - Lecture: difficult to access due to privacy laws and permissions

5. Conclusion
   - Summarize the conflicting points between reading and lecture

9. Keywords