Band 7.5 IELTS Essay: Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
IELTS Writing Evaluation
Try the same IELTS Writing Task 2 Question! Topic: "Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
0 / 250 words
Sample Essay
The debate on whether the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects is a complex one. While science is undoubtedly important for a country’s development, I believe that prioritizing it over other subjects is not the best approach. A balanced education system that includes a variety of subjects is crucial for holistic development.
Firstly, a balanced education is essential for the overall development of individuals and society. Subjects like arts and humanities play a significant role in fostering creativity and critical thinking. For instance, studying literature can enhance one’s ability to think critically and understand different perspectives. These skills are important not only in personal development but also in various professional fields. Therefore, investing in a wide range of subjects can lead to a more well-rounded and adaptable workforce.
Secondly, science alone cannot address all societal issues. Social sciences, for example, are crucial in understanding human behavior and societal dynamics. Knowledge in fields such as psychology and sociology can help address social problems and improve community well-being. For example, understanding the root causes of social issues like poverty and inequality requires insights from social sciences. Thus, investing in these areas is equally important for a country’s progress.
In conclusion, while science is important, it should not be prioritized over other subjects. A balanced investment in all areas of education is necessary to ensure comprehensive development and progress. By doing so, the government can create a more versatile and capable society.
Band Score:
7.5
LingoLeap Writing Evaluation Report
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear stance that a balanced education is preferable.
The position is clearly stated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand.
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the role of arts and humanities in fostering creativity, to support its arguments. However, further elaboration on how these subjects contribute to development could enhance this section.
The essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with a logical progression of ideas.
Cohesive devices such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “For example” are used effectively to guide the reader.
Paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences that introduce each main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with terms like “holistic development” and “societal dynamics.”
Word choice is generally appropriate for an academic context.
There are no noticeable spelling errors, indicating good control over word formation.
A variety of sentence structures are used effectively throughout the essay.
There are no significant grammatical errors, demonstrating strong grammatical control.
The essay presents a well-reasoned argument with clear structure, effective use of vocabulary, and strong grammatical control. To improve further, consider providing more detailed examples or elaborations on how non-science subjects contribute to societal progress.
{
"corrections": [
{
"original": "science than other subjects is a complex",
"revised": "science over other subjects is a complex",
"reason": "'Over' is more appropriate than 'than' when comparing the preference for one thing in relation to another.",
"type": "word choice"
},
{
"original": "a country’s development, I believe that prioritizing it over other subjects is not the best approach.",
"revised": "a country’s development, I believe prioritizing it over other subjects is not the best approach.",
"reason": "'That' can be omitted to make the sentence more concise without changing its meaning.",
"type": "conciseness"
},
{
"original": "subjects like arts and humanities play a significant role",
"revised": "subjects such as arts and humanities play a significant role",
"reason": "'Such as' is more formal and appropriate in academic writing compared to 'like'.",
"type": "word choice"
},
{
"original": "(...) literature can enhance one’s ability to think critically and understand different perspectives. These skills are important not only in personal development but also in various professional fields. Therefore, investing (...)",
"revised": "(...) literature can enhance one’s ability to think critically and understand different perspectives. These skills are important not only for personal development but also for various professional fields. Therefore, investing (...)",
"reason": "'For' should be used instead of 'in' when referring to the purpose or benefit of something.",
"type": "preposition usage"
},
{
"original": "(...) science alone cannot address all societal issues. Social sciences, for example, are crucial in understanding human behavior and societal dynamics. Knowledge in fields such as psychology and sociology can help address social problems (...)",
"revised": "(...) science alone cannot address all societal issues. Social sciences, for example, are crucial for understanding human behavior and societal dynamics. Knowledge in fields such as psychology and sociology can help address social problems (...)",
"reason": "'For' should be used instead of 'in' when referring to the purpose or benefit of something.",
"type": "preposition usage"
}
]
}
### Revised Essay
The ongoing debate regarding whether governments should allocate greater financial resources to the teaching of science as opposed to other academic disciplines is both intricate and multifaceted. While it is indisputable that scientific education plays a pivotal role in driving national progress and technological advancement, I contend that an exclusive focus on science at the expense of other subjects is neither prudent nor beneficial. Instead, a well-rounded educational system that encompasses a diverse array of subjects is indispensable for fostering holistic development among individuals and within society as a whole.
To begin with, the significance of a balanced curriculum cannot be overstated when considering the comprehensive development of students. Disciplines such as the arts and humanities are instrumental in nurturing creativity, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking skills. For example, engagement with literature not only refines one’s linguistic abilities but also cultivates empathy by exposing students to varied human experiences and perspectives. Furthermore, subjects like history encourage analytical thinking by prompting learners to evaluate complex events and their causes. These competencies are invaluable across numerous professional domains and contribute substantially to personal growth. Therefore, directing investments toward a broad spectrum of academic fields equips future generations with adaptability and versatility—qualities essential for thriving in an ever-evolving global landscape.
Moreover, it is crucial to recognize that scientific knowledge alone cannot resolve all societal challenges. The social sciences—encompassing areas such as psychology, sociology, economics, and political science—provide vital insights into human behavior and societal structures. Addressing persistent issues like poverty, inequality, or mental health requires not only technological solutions but also an understanding rooted in these disciplines. For instance, effective public policy design relies heavily on research from economics and sociology to ensure that interventions are both equitable and sustainable. Neglecting these fields in favor of science could result in policies that lack nuance or fail to address underlying social dynamics.
Additionally, fostering innovation often depends on interdisciplinary collaboration rather than isolated expertise in one field. Many groundbreaking advancements arise at the intersection of science with other domains; for example, developments in medical technology frequently require cooperation between engineers, healthcare professionals, ethicists, and artists who contribute design insights for user-friendly interfaces. Thus, investing exclusively in scientific education risks stifling creative synergy that drives meaningful progress.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the undeniable importance of science for national development and competitiveness on the world stage, it would be shortsighted for governments to prioritize it above all other subjects. A judicious allocation of resources across various academic disciplines ensures not only comprehensive intellectual growth but also prepares citizens to tackle complex real-world problems from multiple perspectives. By embracing educational diversity through balanced investment strategies, governments can cultivate a more innovative, empathetic, and resilient society capable of meeting future challenges head-on.
### Essay Grading
The ongoing debate regarding whether governments should allocate greater financial resources to the teaching of science as opposed to other academic disciplines is both intricate and multifaceted. ("allocate greater financial resources" replaces "spend more money" for a more formal and precise tone; "as opposed to other academic disciplines" is used instead of "rather than other subjects" for clarity and sophistication; "intricate and multifaceted" replaces simpler adjectives like "complex," enhancing the academic register.) While it is indisputable that scientific education plays a pivotal role in driving national progress and technological advancement, I contend that an exclusive focus on whether the government should invest more money in teaching science than at the expense of other subjects is a complex one. While neither prudent nor beneficial. ("indisputable" substitutes "undeniable" for variety; "pivotal role in driving national progress and technological advancement" expands on the idea for clarity; "I contend that an exclusive focus on science is undoubtedly important for a country’s development, I believe that prioritizing it over at the expense of other subjects is not the best approach. A balanced education neither prudent nor beneficial" refines the argument, making it clearer and more nuanced.) Instead, a well-rounded educational system that includes a variety encompasses a diverse array of subjects is indispensable for fostering holistic development among individuals and within society as a whole. ("well-rounded educational system that encompasses a diverse array of subjects" elaborates on the idea of balance; "indispensable for fostering holistic development among individuals and within society as a whole" strengthens the reasoning by emphasizing both personal and societal benefits.)
To begin with, the significance of a balanced curriculum cannot be overstated when considering the comprehensive development of students. ("significance of a balanced curriculum cannot be overstated" replaces simpler phrases like "importance...is very high," making it more emphatic; "comprehensive development of students" clarifies what kind of development is meant.) Disciplines such as the arts and humanities are instrumental in nurturing creativity, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking skills. ("instrumental in nurturing creativity, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking skills" uses more specific terms than just saying they are 'important.') For example, engagement with literature not only refines one’s linguistic abilities but also cultivates empathy by exposing students to varied human experiences and perspectives. ("engagement with literature not only refines one’s linguistic abilities but also cultivates empathy by exposing students to varied human experiences and perspectives" offers specific examples instead of general statements about reading.) Furthermore, subjects like history encourage analytical thinking by prompting learners to evaluate complex events and their causes. ("encourage analytical thinking by prompting learners to evaluate complex events and their causes" explains how history contributes beyond memorization.) These competencies are invaluable across numerous professional domains and contribute substantially to personal growth. ("invaluable across numerous professional domains...personal growth" replaces vague claims about usefulness with concrete benefits.) Therefore, directing investments toward a broad spectrum of academic fields equips future generations with adaptability and versatility—qualities essential for thriving in an ever-evolving global landscape. ("directing investments toward a broad spectrum...adaptability...versatility—qualities essential..." makes explicit how funding affects outcomes.)
Moreover, it is crucial for holistic development. ¶ Firstly, a balanced education to recognize that scientific knowledge alone cannot resolve all societal challenges. ("crucial to recognize..." adds emphasis; 'societal challenges' is essential for the overall development of individuals and society. Subjects broader than 'problems.') The social sciences—encompassing areas such as psychology, sociology, economics, and political science—provide vital insights into human behavior and societal structures. (Listing specific disciplines clarifies what social sciences include; 'vital insights' elevates their importance.) Addressing persistent issues like arts and humanities play a significant role in fostering creativity and critical thinking. poverty, inequality, or mental health requires not only technological solutions but also an understanding rooted in these disciplines. (This sentence highlights that technology alone isn't enough—a nuanced explanation.) For instance, studying literature can enhance one’s ability to think critically and understand effective public policy design relies heavily on research from economics and sociology to ensure that interventions are both equitable and sustainable. (This gives concrete examples rather than generalizing about policy-making.) Neglecting these fields in favor of science could result in policies that lack nuance or fail to address underlying social dynamics. ('lack nuance or fail...' specifies potential negative outcomes.)
Additionally, fostering innovation often depends on interdisciplinary collaboration rather than isolated expertise in one field. ('interdisciplinary collaboration' clarifies how different perspectives. These skills are important not only in personal development but also in various professional fields. Therefore, investing in a wide range of subjects can lead to a more well-rounded and adaptable workforce. ¶ Secondly, fields work together; 'isolated expertise' emphasizes contrast.) Many groundbreaking advancements arise at the intersection of science alone cannot address all societal issues. Social sciences, with other domains; for example, are crucial in understanding human behavior and societal dynamics. Knowledge in fields such as psychology and sociology can help address social problems and improve community well-being. For example, understanding the root causes of social issues like poverty and inequality requires developments in medical technology frequently require cooperation between engineers, healthcare professionals, ethicists, and artists who contribute design insights from social sciences. for user-friendly interfaces. (This example demonstrates real-world interdisciplinary work rather than abstract claims.) Thus, investing in these areas is equally important for a country’s exclusively in scientific education risks stifling creative synergy that drives meaningful progress. ('stifling creative synergy' uses vivid language to describe lost opportunities.)
In conclusion, while acknowledging the undeniable importance of science is important, for national development and competitiveness on the world stage, it should not would be prioritized over shortsighted for governments to prioritize it above all other subjects. ('shortsighted' adds evaluative judgment; 'competitiveness on the world stage' provides context.) A judicious allocation of resources across various academic disciplines ensures not only comprehensive intellectual growth but also prepares citizens to tackle complex real-world problems from multiple perspectives. ('judicious allocation,' 'comprehensive intellectual growth,' 'tackle complex real-world problems from multiple perspectives' all enhance precision.) By embracing educational diversity through balanced investment in all areas of education is necessary to ensure comprehensive development and progress. By doing so, the government strategies, governments can create cultivate a more versatile and innovative, empathetic, and resilient society capable society.of meeting future challenges head-on. ('embracing educational diversity through balanced investment strategies,' 'cultivate...innovative...empathetic...resilient society,' etc., use strong concluding language summarizing earlier points effectively.)
-------------
### Mind Map
```markdown
- **Thesis Statement**
- Governments should not prioritize science funding over other subjects; a balanced curriculum is essential.
- **Topic Sentence 1: Importance of Balanced Curriculum**
- Sub-topic: Arts and Humanities
- Example: Literature enhances empathy and language skills.
- Example: History fosters analytical thinking.
- Sub-topic: Comprehensive Development
- Example: Versatility and adaptability in the workforce.
- **Topic Sentence 2: Limitations of Science Alone**
- Sub-topic: Social Sciences' Role
- Example: Psychology, sociology, economics inform public policy.
- Example: Addressing poverty and inequality requires interdisciplinary knowledge.
- **Topic Sentence 3: Value of Interdisciplinary Collaboration**
- Sub-topic: Innovation at Intersections
- Example: Medical technology requires engineers, doctors, ethicists, artists.
- Example: Creative synergy leads to breakthroughs.
- **Conclusion**
- Balanced investment cultivates innovation, empathy, resilience.
- Diverse education prepares society for complex challenges.
```
### Key Words
| Word | Phonetic Symbols | Part of Speech | English Definition | Sample Sentence |
|------------------|----------------------|----------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Allocate | /ˈæləˌkeɪt/ | Verb | To distribute resources or duties for a particular purpose | Governments must allocate funds wisely to ensure all academic disciplines receive adequate support. |
| Holistic | /hoʊˈlɪstɪk/ | Adjective | Relating to the whole rather than just parts | A holistic approach to education nurtures both intellectual and emotional growth. |
| Empathy | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | Noun | The ability to understand and share the feelings of others | Literature classes cultivate empathy by exposing students to diverse perspectives. |
| Versatility | /ˌvɜrsəˈtɪləti/ | Noun | The ability to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities | Employees with versatility can thrive in rapidly changing industries. |
| Nuance | /ˈnuːɑːns/ | Noun | A subtle difference in meaning or opinion | Effective policies require an understanding of nuance in social dynamics. |
| Synergy | /ˈsɪnərdʒi/ | Noun | The interaction of elements that produces a combined effect greater than the sum of their parts | Interdisciplinary teams often generate synergy that leads to groundbreaking solutions. |
| Equitable | /ˈɛkwɪtəbl/ | Adjective | Fair and impartial | An equitable distribution of educational resources benefits all students regardless of background. |
| Resilient | /rɪˈzɪliənt/ | Adjective | Able to recover quickly from difficulties | A resilient society can better withstand economic or social crises. |
| Interdisciplinary| /ˌɪntərdɪsəˈplɪnəri/ ———————->
Adjective Involving two or more academic disciplines Interdisciplinary collaboration fosters innovation across fields. |
| Multifaceted /ˌmʌltiˈfæsətəd/ Noun Having many aspects or phases The issue is multifaceted, requiring input from various experts. |
### Additional Examples
1.
A well-rounded education supports personal fulfillment as well as professional success. For instance, students who study music often develop discipline and perseverance—traits that are valuable in any career.
2.
Humanities subjects like philosophy teach ethical reasoning, which is crucial for leaders making decisions that impact society as a whole. For example, business executives with philosophical training may consider the broader consequences of their actions.
3.
Social sciences provide critical data for public health initiatives beyond what medical science alone can offer. During pandemics, sociologists help design effective communication strategies tailored to different communities.
4.
Creativity fostered by arts education can lead directly to scientific breakthroughs—such as biomimicry in engineering, where designers draw inspiration from nature’s artistry.
5.
Language studies enhance cross-cultural communication skills necessary for international collaboration on global issues like climate change or technological innovation.
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